记叙文讲评（2）

　　【习作要求】
　　诚实是一种美德，是中华民族的优良传统。请以诚实为话题，写一篇记叙文。

　　【名师提示】
　　(1) 首先要确定写作的中心是歌颂诚实。提示没有给出故事情节，所以我们还要构思出一个具体的情节，通过叙事，反映主人公的诚实的美德。生活中这样的事例很多，我们曾经学过一篇文章，讲的是列宁小时候的故事。故事说列宁有一次在姨妈家打碎了一只花瓶，后来列宁勇敢地向姨妈承认了错误，姨妈夸奖列宁是个诚实的孩子。所以我们也可以按照这样的情节去构思一篇。
　　(2) 在写作中，要注意动词的时态。要根据动作发生的时间，来确定使用适当的动词时态。
　　(3) 要注意叙事的顺序和详略得当。

　　【学生习作】

Honesty
When I was a little child, I was very naughty and eager to know how the things around me worked. 　　One day, I found a little clock in my grandpa's room. It had a red hand which kept running and running. I wondered who was there turning the clock. So I took the clock apart. And then I looked carefully and seriously into it with great interest. At last I was delighted to know how it worked (1). But I didn't know how to put the parts together correctly. I tried my best but still a few parts were left. I didn't know where to fit them. So I hid them. 　　When Grandpa came back, he found the clock didn't work any more. He asked me who had touched it. I said I hadn't, but my heart was beating rapidly because I was lying. Grandpa began to repair the clock. Of course he couldn't make it work again without those missing parts. I became quite afraid and took out the parts to him, my face turning red (2). Then I heard his voice, “Good！That's right. But you should not have told(3) the lie. Remember： if you want to be a true man you must be honest first.”	(1) 注意记事的顺序；用到了and then, at last这样表示顺序的词。 (2) 此处的my face turning red 是一种独立主格结构，现在已不要求高中学生掌握这一语法结构了。 (3) should （not） have done这种结构表示“本来（不）应该…”，事实与愿望相反。

　　【名师点评】
　　文章用简洁的语言描述了作者孩提时的一件令人难以忘怀的往事。文章最大的特点在于全文200多个词，动词近60个，因而文章生动活泼，很有动感。文章的主要笔墨集中在叙事中，而且详略得当，最后用爷爷的话点题。